Jokes and Memes of 26 October 2021

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1) A man is on his deathbed, and he asks his wife…
“Martha, soon I will be gone forever, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 50 years of marriage, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”
Martha replied, “Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons?’”

Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”
Martha asked, “And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”

“I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”
“Alright,” Martha said. “So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?”

2) A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past.
She hasn’t had a customer for a while so she whistles at him and says, “Hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?”
The old man said, “But I won’t be able to…”
Prostitute: “C’mon man…. give it a try… “
Old man says okay. They go in.

The old man whips out his dk and fcs the daylights out of her for 30 minutes. When he’s done, the prostitute all exhausted and tired says, “But you said you won’t be able to….” “…pay you.” replied the old man. 3) Guy walks in a bar with a black eye and sits down. The barman says “That looks nasty, what happened”? The man says” My wife complained that we don’t make love like they do in the movies, so I ripped her clothes off and bent her over the sink.

Then I f#c#kd her hard while spanking her and then pulled out, spat on my d##k and stuck it in her a*s. I then threw her on the floor and c#me on her face and t*ts”.
The barman said ” Wow, that sounds amazing, but why the black eye”? “Well, it turns out we don’t watch the same movies”.

4) A man walks into a brain store to buy a new brain. He goes to the clerk and says
“Hello, I’d like to purchase a new brain”.
The clerk replies with “Sure, here are some of our brains we have on sale”
“Here’s the brain of a physicist, 5 dollars.”
“Here’s our second deal for today. The brain of an anti-vaxxer, 10,000 dollars”.
The man, completely confused, asks “Why is the brain of an anti-vaxxer more expensive than of a physicist?”
“Because it’s never been used” The clerk replies.

5) “There’s so many games!” he said, “What do you wanna do?”
“I wanna get weighed.” she says, shyly looking at the ground.
They go to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins a stuffed animal.
“What next?” he asks. “I wanna get weighed.” she says, confidently looking at him.
They return to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins… nothing… The vendor has a good memory.
“What now?” he asks, a bit annoyed at the repeat activity.

She looks at the man, holding his gaze and carefully says “I. Wanna. Get. WEIGHED.”
He ends the date right there and storms off. Dejected, the girl goes home to her roommate, who asks, “How was your date?”
She throws the stuffed animal to the ground and shouts, “Wousy!”

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