Memes and Jokes of 21 January

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1) Genghis Khan and his soldiers attacked a tiny village of their enemy country and took all the men and women as prisoners..
Later in the evening,after being intoxicated,the sadistic Genghis decides to play a game..
He asks all the men from the village to stand in a line and strip down their pants..
He then instructed one of the wives of the men to be blindfolded and she should recognize her husband after examining the p*n*s of the men standing in the line..

If she points to a wrong man,then she and her husband will be executed.
The first woman nervously stepped out and she kept touching the p*n*ses until she found her husbands and declared it…. Genghis was disappointed that she succeeded.
Then the second woman came forward. She was so nervous that she kept touching each p*n*s for a long time and kept thinking for a while before rejecting them. She too recognized her husband’s p*n*s.
Now Genghis got really pissed.

So he decide to stand in the line posing as villager to confuse them.
The third woman started. She hardly took more than few seconds for each p*n*s while thinking out loud “Not him” “Not him either”..
This continued until she touched Genghis’s p*n*s. She stopped for a while and thought really hard
“Not from our village” she muttered and moved on

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2) Guy goes to a clinic to sell sperm…
(This one has a physical punchline that doesn’t work well with text, but it was the first dirty joke my grandad ever told me, so I wanted to share)
A man sells his sperm at a clinic Afterward he meets a woman in the elevator, going down.
She says, “What are you here for? I’ve just sold plasma. Made a cool $50.”
Man says, “I’m selling sperm. They gave me $200.” The woman looks outraged.
Next week, they meet again in the elevator, this time going up. The man says, “I remember you. Are you selling more plasma?”

(For the punchline, you puff out your cheeks and shake your head)
11) An old man goes to his doctor for a sperm check. The doctor gives him a sealed jar for the sperm. After a week the old man returns. He says: “I could’nt do it no matter what we have tried. My wife used one hand. Then both of them. She used the elbow, then she tried with the teeth. We even called to the neighbor but she couldn’t do it also.”.
The doctor gets confused: “the neighbor?”.
“Yeah. None of us could open the jar”.

3) A proud father has six children.
He always calls his wife “Mother of Six,” to her displeasure. One night at a party, he yells across the room, “Mother of six, we’re leaving now.”
She replies, “Be right with you, father of four.”

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4) My job is worse than your job, My job is so f*ck*ng unbelievable. I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up. She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her “womanly” parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel in the crown has got to be the f*ck*ng stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I’m sure after work. He probably hasn’t been sober any time in the last ten years, and he’s only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960’s, and to make things worse, he brings his big f*ck*ng dog to work.

Every f*ck*ng day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it’s trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald’s and Burger King, every single f*ck*ng day.
Anyway, I drive these fuc*tards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

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5) Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.

He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, “I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.”
“Very well, then,” says God, “let us see if Jesus fared any better.”
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, “B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact. How did he do it?”
God smiled all-knowingly, “Jesus saves.”

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7) Woman comes home and tells her husband…
“Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”
“No more headaches?” The husband asks, “What happened?”
His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat ‘I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.’ It worked. The headaches are all gone.”

His wife then says, “You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don’t you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?” The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.” He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, “Damn! That was wonderful!”

The husband says, “Don’t move! I will be right back.” He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.” With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
She’s not my wife. She’s not my wife. She’s not my wife.
His funeral service will be held on Saturday.

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8) If you ever feel useless…
Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, Trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with…
the Taliban

An Irish fellow in New York turns to the gentleman next to him
“Well hey there friend! Where do ya hail from?”
“I’m from Ireland.”
“No kidding! I’m from Ireland myself! What part of Ireland?”
“Grew up in Wexford.”
“Wexford?! No kidding! I grew up in Wexford myself!”
“Well what are the chances of that?! Say, what secondary school did you go to?”
“I went to St Peters Secondary”

“ St Peters Secondary?! I went to St Peters Secondary! I’ll be darned! What year did you graduate?”
“1979??!! That’s the year I graduated! What are the chances of that?!!”
Well as these 2 guys are just flabbergasted at the chances of this meeting, another guy at the end of the bar is watching curiously. He calls over to the bartender & asks “hey what on earth is going on over there?”
To which the bartender replies, “ah nothing. Just the O’Malley twins drunk again.”

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