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1) A Chinese doctor cant find a job in a hospital in America, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads
“GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.”
An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.”
Chinese: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 14 and put 3 drops in patient’s mouth.”
Lawyer: “Ugh. this is kerosene. “Chinese: “Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me my $20.”
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to try to recover his money.
Lawyer: “I have lost my memory. I can’t remember anything.”
Chinese: “Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 14 and put 3 drops in his mouth.”
Lawyer (annoyed): “This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste.”
Chinese: “Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20.”
The fuming lawyer pays him, then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: “My eyesight has become very weak I cannot see at all.”
Chinese: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so take this $100.”
Lawyer (staring at the note): “But this is $20, not $100!”
Chinese: “Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20”
2)I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner.
Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower.
Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.
3) A Rabbi And A Priest Get Into A Huge Car Accident.
After both of them crawl out of their cars, the rabbi looks and the priest and says:
“Look at that! Both of our cars are completely demolished, and yet here we are alive and well!
This must be a sign from God that we should become good friends!”
The Priest, looking at the total wreckage of both cars agrees
The rabbi then grabs something from his destroyed car and says: “And look at that, even though everything in my car is destroyed, this bottle of expensive wine is not broken. This is also a sign from God that we should open it now and drink together to celebrate our new friendship!”.
The priest agrees. The rabbi than hands the wine bottle to the priest and he takes a few big chugs from it.
He than hands it back to the rabbi. The rabbi immediately puts the bottle cap on and hands it back to the priest. The priest, confused, asks “Aren’t you going to drink some?”
The rabbi than says “You know… I think I’ll wait for the police to arrive!”
4) “An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake…
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, ‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy,
I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl with a ‘Billy-Club’.
I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
‘Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy … do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No … not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times”…